


Stranger

by Too_Many_Too_Much_81194



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Affection, Anger, Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Fluff, But also... not, Coma, Confessions, Dark Steve Rogers, Dreams, Eventual Fluff, Gore, HYDRA sucks, Healthy Relationships, Heavy Angst, Irondad Vibes, Kidnapping, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Original villain - Freeform, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Revenge, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stucky - Freeform, True Love, because flashbacks, sickly sweet fluff, stucky feels, the angstiest angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:54:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29569203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Too_Many_Too_Much_81194/pseuds/Too_Many_Too_Much_81194
Summary: During a particularly bad fight trying to recover a kidnapped Peter, Bucky gets put into a coma protecting Steve. He was supposed to die from the beating he took but luckily his super serum kept him alive long enough for Doctor Strange to heal him as best he could. Now, he finds himself reliving his best (and worst) memories.Meanwhile, Steve is having a hard time with seeing his best friend in a coma all the while working through his feelings for him. He talks to Bucky everyday, little does he know, Bucky can hear every word. Steve is feral around the other Avengers, flinching away from touch and yelling about the smallest things. In Peter's attempts to help, he puts up with the worst of Steve. Steve is oblivious to how Peter really feels about the situation and disregards him, focusing on tracking down the thing that hurt Bucky and praying that he'll wake up soon.ANGST ALERT!!!!
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I realized recently that writing a good, original Stucky with a good plot is hard. In my opinion. Don't attack me. So I read over my older Stucky Fics and discovered I never have a good plot because I am very hung up on being original. Probably should write something OTHER than fanfiction then. So, I'm testing the water here. I don't really know how to write a fighting scene so please give me the benefit of the doubt when it comes to that. Other than that, I hope you enjoy this angsty Stucky fic!
> 
> I'm updating every Friday (at least trying) also I don't have a Beta reader for this one so apologies in advance for any mistakes! Also, the chapters are probably gonna be pretty short, also apologies for that. It's kind of a bad habit of mine.

When Tony woke Steve up in a panic at 4am, he knew it couldn’t mean anything good. “Wha- Tony?” He grumbled sleepily, turning towards Tony’s jittery frame. “Peter. He’s gone.”  
“What do you mean ‘gone’? Where?” Steve asked urgently, sitting up and raking his hands through his hair. “I don’t know, Rogers, but we have to find him,” Tony replied sharply. Steve rose. He was dressed in a fitted, white T-shirt and baggy, black sweatpants. “Who else have you woken up?” Steve asked calmly, placing a steady hand on Tony’s shoulder in hope of calming him down.  
“No one else,” Tony muttered, looking at the wall with a glare. Steve nodded firmly and walked briskly out of the room. Once he had everyone staying in the Avengers Tower at the time, he announced that Peter was missing. “Are you sure he isn’t just… out?” Bruce asked skeptically. Tony growled,  
“Because I looked, do you think I’m an-”  
While everyone argued, a silent Bucky caught Steve’s eye. He walked over and touched his shoulder gently. “Buck, you’re quiet. Everything okay?” Steve asked, concerned. Bucky sighed, every muscle in his body tense. Him and Peter had gotten close. “I think I know what happened…” He said softly, voice ragged, and just like that, everyone was silent and all eyes were on him. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  
“Well?!” Tony snarled. Steve glared.  
“I- I think it was Hydra,” he explained. “A few weeks ago, someone jumped me. They were from Hydra, according to them, and they threatened to get Peter if I didn’t go with him. He was probably some low level trying to get a higher ranking by getting to me so I didn’t take him seriously, got away and when nothing happened I just… forgot about it.” Steve’s face fell. Tony’s turned red with anger.  
“Why the hell didn’t you say anything? Are you that thick?!” Tony yelled. Bucky looked close to tears at that point, and Steve noticed. “Tony, lay off. Now that we have a lead, let's work on finding Peter,” he suggested sharply. Tony mumbled something to himself and dispersed with the rest of the group. Steve knelt down in front of Bucky. He knew he shouldn’t prod but curiosity and worry got the best of him.  
“Buck… why didn’t you tell me you were jumped?” Bucky stared intently at his feet, avoiding Steve’s eyes.  
“I just… I can take care of myself, y’know? I feel so… useless all the time, and I don’t want you to think you need to protect me,” Bucky mumbled, picking at his titanium hand. Steve felt a tug in his heart and he smiled sympathetically. “Okay.”  
“‘Okay’?” Bucky repeated, now meeting Bucky’s eyes.  
“I mean, I don’t like secrets between us but if you feel like you don’t want to tell me something, okay.” Bucky grinned at Steve gratefully. “But I’m not gonna stop protecting you. You protected me so much, I want to return the favour,” Steve promised.  
After about an hour, the team tracked down where it was likely Peter would be held and Tony, Steve, Bucky and Natasha geared up, prepared to tear down whatever they had to.  
The old, seemingly abandoned, building used to be a large research station used for animal testing and was located at the edge of the city on a large piece of farmland. Once the team arrived, just far enough away from the place as to not be noticed, they pieced together somewhat of a plan; Steve and Bucky would go through the front and take them head on, it surely wasn’t anything they hadn’t taken before, while Natasha would clear the back of the building. There were no guards or weapons on the outside of the place so Tony wasn’t needed in the air. It was his job to get to Peter and get him out.  
When everyone was in position, they stormed the building. Steve and Bucky, with a graceful, coordinated fighting sequence, took down half of the Hydra agents in no time.  
“We’re all clear in the front,” Cap stated.  
“All clear in the back,” Nat responded. “Tony, what’s your position?”  
“In the basement, I found him,” Tony said urgently. Steve and Bucky exchanged glances and headed straight. When they arrived in the basement, they were greeted with the bloody sight of Peter, tied to a chair. Noticing the look on their faces, Peter called, “Don’t worry about me, help him!” They then noticed Tony, unconscious next to what looked like a half man - half robot with one metal arm and one that looked to be a machine gun. He turned and licked blood off of his lips and grinned at Bucky. Steve saw this happening and gave the stranger an icy glare, tossing his shield to Bucky. Bucky caught it, eyes still locked on the strangers, using it just as easily as Steve did.  
It hit the man in the head, he startled and blood ran down his forehead. Bucky smiled darkly and aimed a punch for his head. This time, he dodged, hitting Bucky in the stomach with his metal hand. Bucky groaned and he got another hit in, right across the face. Bucky stifled backwards and Steve took a turn, only getting one or two shots in before being beaten down. This guy, whoever he was, had training. Top-notch training.  
Bucky heard him mumbling under his breath as he fought, those words that Bucky knew too well. He clenched his fist and smashed it into his mouth. No, they didn’t work any more, but that didn’t change the anxiety he got.  
The stranger comically spit out a tooth. When he finally caught on that what he suspected was true, that the words were now useless, he gave up on taking him alive. He slammed Steve against the wall, hard, and went for Bucky. Dizzy, Steve tried to get up, but a shoe came upon his face, knocking him down again.  
Meanwhile, Natasha had untied Peter and gotten him free. Since Tony was down, she had to pull him away from Tony’s limp body and get him out already so she could defend Steve and Bucky.  
While all of this was happening, Bucky was seeing stars and coughing up blood. The stranger was showing no mercy and he didn’t stop even after Bucky was unconscious. Steve swayed on his feet, wanting, needing, to defend Bucky, when suddenly there was a loud explosion on the back of the strangers head, finally slowing him down. He yelled out, falling to his knees. Tony was about to plant the finishing blow when the stranger took advantage of his bionic legs and jumped, smashing through the roof and allowing his escape. Tony chased after him and Steve fell down beside Bucky.  
“Buck?” He tried, exasperated. “Buck, wake up you jerk. You have to wake up,” he stated simply. Natasha appeared in the doorway, concern washing over her. She ran over, checking Bucky’s pulse. This small action made Steve want to throw up. Could he really be…  
Nat looked over, noticing Steve’s worry and reassuring him, “Still alive, but barely. I think we need to call Strange for this. Are you-”  
“Fine, I’m fine. Call him already,” Steve groaned, suddenly wanting to check Bucky’s pulse for himself, needing to make sure. Nat got up and pulled out her phone. Taking advantage of the moment, Steve leaned over near Bucky and whispered, “Don’t you die on me.”  
When Strange appeared through a portal, he immediately leaned down, taking a look at Bucky. Steve felt sick with how much emotion was rolling in his belly.  
“Is he… will he…” He stammered. Strange glanced at Steve, stare firm.  
“Don’t worry about him now, worry about yourself,” He said, tone surprisingly soft. Natasha helped Steve up and helped him through the portal with Strange and Bucky.  
“I’m gonna stick around, Tony might need help,” She explained. Strange nodded and the portal closed behind him.  
Strange had brought the two soldiers to Steve’s room. “I assume you have the materials needed to patch up?” he asked. Steve nodded.  
“What about-”  
“I will take care of Barnes, don’t worry about him.” He kept saying that. Steve nodded again even though he wanted to scream. After Strange disappeared, Steve staggered to his bathroom, grabbing his first aid kit and cleaning off his wounds. He was fine. His serum had already started working it’s magic. Steve hoped Bucky’s would do the same. He didn’t bother showering like he normally would after a bloody battle, instead he called Strange and slapped some ice on his face where that asshole kicked him.  
“How is he? How bad is it?” Steve demanded, now dressed in comfortable clothes. He was sore but he couldn’t stop pacing. “Rogers, I’m going to be honest with you. It’s bad,” Strange sighed. Steve’s throat felt oily and thick and all of his words, questions, got stuck.  
“Right now he is in a coma. If it wasn’t for the serum used on him, he would most likely be long dead. Consider him lucky, Steve,” he continued. Steve felt wobbly on his legs.  
“Right now, he is in a coma.” Steve sought balance and leaned on the counter just as Bruce walked in. “How long?” He choked out. Strange sighed regretfully.  
“I don’t know. Could be in a day, could be in a year.” Steve’s breathing was ragged and uneven. “You need to breathe, Rogers. I can move him to his room if you’d like to be closer to-”  
“Yes. Please, do that,” Steve breathed.  
“Okay,” Strange replied and hung up. Steve swallowed the lump in his throat and lowered his phone.  
“Everything alright?” Bruce asked carefully. Steve smiled unpleasantly and shook his head. After a moment, he marched to Bucky’s room. When he got there, so was Strange. So was Bucky, laying nearly lifeless on the bed, hooked up to an IV along with many other machines that were keeping him alive. His body was covered in bruises and bandages and a cast on his right arm.  
“The cast will be on for about six weeks,” Strange informed him. “If you need anything, or there are any developments, just call,” he added before he left. Steve felt stiff and weak at the sight of his best friend. He dragged a chair next to Bucky’s bed, same as how it would be in a hospital, how it was with Peggy, and he plopped down into it, staring at Bucky’s still body.  
After a little while passed, Steve didn’t know how long, when Peter knocked on the door frame. “Mr. Rogers?” he said quietly.  
“Please, Steve,” Steve said, sounding so much more calm than he was. Peter smiled softly and relaxed a bit, entering the room and standing beside Steve. “How is he?”  
“Coma,” Steve croaked out, finding himself nearly breaking down. Peter gently put his hand on Steve’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, but he flinched away defensively.  
“I’m… I’m sorry,” he muttered and walked swiftly out of the room, seeking the privacy of his room. He wasn’t sure he could do this.  
An hour later, he left his room and sought out Tony, who was in his lab. “Did you kill it?” he demanded. “No, it got away. It must have bionic legs. That was Hydra?” Steve slammed his fist down on the counter. “Damn it,” he whispered. “We have to find it.”  
“Pfft, yeah you think?” Tony said, standing up and walking to his fridge and pulling out some green smoothie Pepper was making him drink. “We can’t have Hydra making… things,” he waved his hand around as if it explained something. Steve looked at Tony like he was an idiot. “No shit.” Tony’s eyes widened dramatically.  
“Geez, Cap, language!” he joked. Steve just glared and headed back up the stairs.  
“Not now, Stark.” Steve, on the way back to his room, noticed that no one was in with Bucky. For some reason that bothered him and he sat down in the chair he had pulled up after closing the door.  
“Buck… I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry this happened to you. You’ve been through so much.” He gently touched Bucky’s cheek and then pulled away, mentally kicking himself for feeling things he shouldn’t.  
“I should have fought harder, done something… more,” he continued sadly. “I don’t know what to do now. We don’t know where the hell that thing is, but I’ll find it Buck.” He stood up and touched the doorknob. “I’ll find it.”


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky’s eyes fluttered open. He was looking up at a cracked, dirty ceiling that he recognized. His muscles ached from the fight but otherwise, he seemed miraculously most of the way healed. He sat up and rubbed his head. Where was he? What happened?  
“Bucky, don’t you have work? What are you still doing here?” It was Steve’s voice. Bucky looked over and saw a skinny little Steve standing in the doorway.   
“Steve?” Bucky said in disbelief. Steve cocked an eyebrow.  
“Yes?” Bucky looked around the room. It was his and Steve’s old apartment bedroom. Two old creaky beds sat across the room from each other with the same old scratchy blankets they always had. “You’re gonna be late,” Steve said again, leaning on the doorway, hands in his pockets. Bucky remembered this…  
“What year is it?” He asked. Steve looked confused.   
“1941?” Of course, this was before him and Bucky really got included in the war. Life was so much simpler. Bucky remembered what he had said today back when it really was today. “Well, I’m already late. Might as well stay home.” Steve smiled and shook his head and turned and walked to the kitchen. Bucky had forgotten how easily Steve used to smile at him.   
He got up and followed Steve to the kitchen. There, he was sitting at the table drawing in his small sketchbook. “Whatcha drawing?” Bucky asked, like he always did. Usually Steve would just say something short like “a person” or “landscape” or whatever. This time, he stopped and looked at his sketch and then turned it towards Bucky. It was of him, every line deliberate and purposeful. The detail astonished Bucky.   
“Stevie, it’s great!” Bucky exclaimed. Steve blushed and looked at his lap.   
“It’s just an outline…” Bucky playfully rolled his eyes at Steve’s shyness and just then realized his arm. It was all flesh and blood. He wiggled his fingers and admired it. “What’s up with you today?” Steve asked, watching Bucky grin at his hand. Bucky moved his grin towards Steve.   
“What are we doing tonight?” he asked; he had a feeling there was something but he just couldn’t remember…  
“You said something about a date with that red head, Dolores,” Steve replied. Bucky’s face fell. Right. He really was a fool back then. Avoiding his feelings for Steve. Of course, he supposed he still was. “Dot. A date with Dot,” He whispered. Steve chuckled. “Well, let's do something now. Let’s go to the boardwalk or something,” Bucky suggested, wanting to take advantage of the weight lifted off his chest, just for now. Steve smiled and nodded. So, they went to the boardwalk, even though it was quite the journey from where they lived and they couldn’t really afford it.   
They were walking down the street on their way back from a great time when Bucky’s head was suddenly filled with Steve’s voice. “Buck… I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry this happened to you. You’ve been through so much.” Bucky stopped and looked around. It definitely wasn’t the Steve he was with. He felt a strange sensation on his cheek and then everything was dark, as if his eyes were closed. He felt around in the dark while listening to the Steve in his head.   
“I should have fought harder, done something… more,” he said sadly. “I don’t know what to do now. We don’t know where the hell that thing is, but I’ll find it Buck.”   
“Steve?” Bucky called out.   
“I’ll find it.” The voice was now farther away and then it was gone.   
“Steve? Hello!” Bucky yelled, until he woke up again, in the freight car with Steve.   
“What the hell,” He muttered to himself. What kind of cruel joke was this?   
“Bucky? You good?” Steve asked, gun in hand. Bucky looked at him for a moment, enjoying his baby blue eyes before nodding and holding his gun up. Except, it was involuntary. Every move was the same as it had been. All Bucky could think was ‘no no no no not again.’   
“Bucky! Hold on!” Steve yelled. Bucky held on, hanging on for dear life, terror racing through him. He knew how this ended. Soon, he was screaming and falling and the immense pain that greeted him with landing was excruciating. This time, he was awake. He was there. The Hydra soldiers came and he couldn’t fight them. Oh god, it hurt. It hurt so much. What was this? He needed to get out. The sound of the drill filled his head and he screamed. He screamed for Steve, for anyone, for help, until it was dark again and the pain was over.   
In the blackness, Bucky waited for Steve’s voice to fill his head, but instead it was Peter. “Bucky… I don’t know if you can hear me but… you have to come back. Steve he… he isn’t doing so good. I heard him fighting with Mr. Stark. I’m sorry, this is my fault. All my fault.”  
Of course… Bucky must be trapped in his own head! He pieced it together quickly, the ache of his bones, the voices, the black, all he needed to do was wake up. It seemed simple enough, until he was stuffed into another memory, strapped to a table, feeling dizzy. Fuck.

About two weeks later, Steve was still racking his brain for where the hell the stranger was. Where Hydra was. Where something he could beat to a pulp was. Nothing. So, he hit the wall, frustration and sadness overwhelming him. He lost Bucky so many times, he had only been back a year and then this. Now Steve was losing him again and he couldn’t even get his revenge. Everyone was scared to touch him, they kept a three feet radius from him. He didn’t blame him, he could hardly control his own anger at this point. But Peter was trying really hard. He could tell. He would try to touch him everyday for a week, to comfort him, until he realized that Steve wasn’t going to get out of this funk with comfort. But Peter worried for the revenge craving anger that was consuming Steve. His dark side.  
Steve visited Bucky everyday, talked to him, told him everything that was going on inside his head, except the one thing he swore he would never tell. He wasn’t willing to risk his friendship, no, his brotherhood with Bucky for a stupid crush. A stupid crush, at that, that had been alive since they were 16 years old.   
Steve went mad in his room, searching for something that he wasn’t even sure he could beat. Until one day, Tony found something.   
F.R.I.D.A.Y. had been instructed to update Tony on any rentals of big, abandoned buildings or land. Most of it was just noise until one wasn’t; there was a rental for a large piece of land, similar to the last, Natasha went and checked it out and came back positive.   
“I don’t know if it’s where that monster is but it’s definitely Hydra,” she was telling Tony. “But Stark, I think we should go and Steve should stay.” Tony looked confused.   
“But isn’t he all full of revenge and crap? We could use the man power.”  
“Tony! God, that is exactly why he shouldn’t go! He-”  
“I’m coming,” Steve said, having heard the whole conversation. “Tony’s got the right idea.” Nat looked behind her at Cap’s dark figure with a concerned look. “So where is it?”  
“Steve, you can’t just have us storm in there without a plan,” Nat reasoned.   
“The hell I can’t,” he argued, voice thick, but Natasha had logic on her side.   
“That’s what we did last time, remember what happened?” It could’ve been considered a low blow but she did have a fair point. Steve glared, jaw set. His silence an admittance of defeat. “Great,” Tony said, snacking on some blueberries. “We are gonna need all hands on deck here, I bet Thor could beat this guy easy.” Steve kept quiet about how he wanted to finish him. Deep down, he knew he didn’t stand a chance. Him dying was better than getting in a few punches.   
“Yeah but how do we even get in contact with Thor? I think between us, Clint and Peter we can take him.”  
“Are you kidding? That-”  
“If we have a plan and we know what we are dealing with, we’ll be fine,” Natasha insisted. Steve couldn’t argue, he just wanted to get this over with. “Okay so we need to get rid of his ability to escape as soon as possible, so we need to target his legs,” Natasha said.  
“Yes, but we should take out the gun first, avoid, y’know, getting shot,” Tony added.   
“I think the fastest way to kill him is the head, we can’t take on this guy for so long. Clint will be good for that, we can have him up high so we take the guy by surprise.” Steve said, avoiding the part of him that wanted to kill this guy slowly, painfully. “Woah woah woah, we’re killing him?” Tony interrupted. “Figured you guys would wanna take him in and interrogate him or something.” Tony popped another blueberry in his mouth and there was an uncomfortable silence.   
“So you’ll call Clint?” Steve asked Natasha, breaking the silence. She nodded and walked off.   
“I thought you’d be more against Peter coming,” Steve stated.   
“I am. Believe me. But he wants to be a part of everything and blah blah blah. Teenagers,” Tony replied. “How have you been, Cap?”  
“I’ve been fine. Why?” Steve replied defensively. Tony cocked an eyebrow at him.   
“Maybe because your best friend is in a coma,” he said bluntly. Steve glared.   
“Like I said, I’m fine,” Steve growled, marching out of the room. 

It was dark again. Bucky held his breath, praying for the familiar voice of Steve. He had to get out of this. It took a few moments, but Steve was there.   
“Hey Buck.” His voice was shaky and quiet. “We found a lead on the guy,” he said. Bucky looked up from his sitting position, his legs against his chest, trying hard to reach out. He could hear that Steve was hurting. “God, Buck, I miss you,” he continued. “I just… I’ve lost you so many times and-” He stopped, voice wavering. “And I know you can’t hear me.” Bucky swallowed a ball of emotion rising in his throat.   
“Stevie, I’m right here,” he whispered.   
“So I figured, might as well take advantage of that and… and get something off my chest.” Bucky lifted his head and stared up, tears starting to sting his eyes. “I… I never wanted to tell you this because I know… it’s wrong,” Steve said, voice unsteady and nervous. Bucky held his breath because maybe… maybe.   
“I…” he hesitated, sounding jittery he whispered, “I think I love you.” Tears formed a steady stream down Bucky’s face. Tears of relief, of longing of sadness and loss. He hit the ground, hard in frustration. He didn’t know what to do, how to get out of this state he was in. All he wanted to do was hold Steve, his Steve, and tell him it’ll be okay.   
“I give up!” he yelled. “I give up.” He cried, frustrated and angry and deliriously giddy with happiness; it was all so much. He felt Steve hold his hand and heard him leave. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I couldn't wait until Friday. Sue me. 
> 
> AND I KNOW. The chapters are ridiculously short. I'm sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky’s frustrations only grew with the time that was passing, which who knows how long that is. He was walking through his memories, good and bad, didn’t make a difference. He was only focused on getting back to his Steve. He thought and he thought until his brain turned to slop. His last resort was to ask Steve what to do. Not Steve Steve, but the Steve in his head.   
“Stevie?” Bucky asked one day, sitting at the table in his own apartment, watching Steve sketch. “Hmm?”  
“I uh… I keep having this dream,” he said, trying to make it simple and make sense, even to himself. “Okay…” Steve said, not looking up from his work.   
“And in this dream, I’m in a coma and I’m reliving my memories.”  
“Mhmm.”  
“And I need to find a way out of my head, so I can get back to the real world. What do I do?” Bucky asked hopefully. Steve shifted in his seat thoughtfully, a puzzled look glued to his face. “Do you know where you are? Like, in the real world?” he asked.   
“... Yes? I think so?”   
“Well maybe if you go to that spot… and then lay down in the right position or something… I don’t know…” Bucky nodded slowly.   
“That could work… I would just have to wait for the right memory!” Bucky grinned. “Thank you.” Steve mirrored his smile and showed him the sketch he was doing with a blush, another of Bucky in great detail.   
Bucky was excited, all he had to do was wait for a more recent memory, he assumed he was in his room at the Avengers Tower, based on the one sided conversations with Peter and Steve. All he had to do was be patient. 

In the meantime, Steve was preparing to invade the Hydra plant with the team. This time, they had installed huge guns on the roof of the building so Tony would take them out and get Clint up there so he could get into the vents and take out whoever he needed to from above.   
Steve and Natasha would take out the guards in the front and go in the front like last time except using stealth as a strategy rather than taking everything head on. Peter would sneak in after Steve and Nat, find the stranger and web him up as best as he could before Tony could get there along with the rest of the team. Once there was a good opening, Clint would take the headshot and it would be over. Seemed simple enough.   
So that is exactly what they went through, and in the beginning, it went pretty smoothly. There were more Hydra agents than last time but it didn’t surprise anyone. When Steve and Natasha got to where Peter was, they saw that he had successfully webbed him up, but it wasn’t holding him long and he was thrashing so much Clint couldn’t get a clear shot. Tony bashed through the roof and started shooting at his legs. The stranger growled and bared his teeth angrily.  
And then, he was down. He had given up. His legs were basically gone and his gun pulverized. Cap placed his boot on the strangers chest. “Who are you?”  
“Does it matter?” he coughed, voice thick with an accent.  
“Why did you want Bucky dead?” Steve pressed. The stranger chuckled.  
“Because he was our best soldier, killed in cold blood. We wanted him back, surely you pieced that together with that big brain of yours,” he mocked. Steve glared and pushed on his chest, causing him to cough up a bucket of blood. “Who are you taking your orders from?” Natasha added. The stranger just grinned a bloody grin at them.   
“Clint,” Tony said, and right after an arrow flew between the strangers' eyes.   
It did not make Steve feel better. 

Bucky’s chance to wake up had come. It was a memory with Peter, one of their first interactions and he didn’t want to cut it short but he had to. He ran up to his room and laid down on his bed. This had to work. He didn’t know what else to do. He stayed like that for thirty minutes and nothing, but he still stayed, trying to focus, focus on waking up, on seeing Steve. He waited for a long time until everything went black.   
He still didn’t give up, he was still laying down and he could swear that he felt the bed around him, heard the door open and someone sit down.   
“Hey Bucky.” It was Steve, and yet Bucky didn’t dare lose focus. “We got him, he’s dead.” There was a sigh. “I don’t feel any better. I feel restless. I wish you were here.”  
Bucky felt Steve’s warm hand on his, like he was right there, just within reach, and then, Bucky closed his hand around Steve’s. He opened eyes; it was still dark, he wasn’t awake but he could control his body. He squeezed Steve’s now stiffened hand.   
“Bucky?” he whispered. “C-can you hear me?” Bucky was close to tears at the relief but the wave of emotion had messed with his focus and his hand went limp in Steve’s.   
All Bucky could think was no. No no no. Please no. He tried to focus again but it was too late, he was thrown back onto memory lane.   
Steve was shaking with some unknown mix of emotions. Hope, he supposed, but when Bucky had let go of him, a rush of sadness overwhelmed him. He held back a sob. As if he could be so close to him and yet so far away. He hated being so vulnerable but it seemed that it was all he was lately. He just couldn’t withstand losing Bucky again, so, to make up for it, he was angry, he was feral, everything that wasn’t vulnerable, anything that wasn’t weak.  
So, when he was alone, he was everything he didn’t want to be, and he might as well have been alone so he rested his head on his folded arms on the side of Bucky’s bed and he gave in. He stayed there all night, eventually falling asleep. He dreamt of the stranger and regret and revenge. When he woke up, it was pitch black and his neck was sore from his uncomfortable position. He stretched and stood, walking towards the door, when he looked back at Bucky. ‘He’d never know…’ Steve thought. ‘Plus, we used to all the time when it was cold.’   
After convincing himself, he crawled into bed next to Bucky but still not daring to touch him. He drifted off to sleep almost as soon as he laid down, intoxicated with Bucky’s familiar, comforting scent.   
He still had nightmares throughout the night, it was like running through every regret, bad decision, and empty feeling he had ever had, little did he know, he was whimpering in his sleep, crying out. He only stopped when something woke him up, a hand on his back, gliding up and down in a comforting motion. His head whipped up in alertness only to be greeted by a the saddest smile he had ever seen.


	4. Chapter 4

“Bucky?” Steve whispered. Bucky’s smile grew and he nodded. Bucky couldn’t take Steve’s formal nature, he leaped forward, hugging him tightly. He assumed Steve didn’t yet realize that he had confessed his feelings for Bucky to him based on how startled Steve was at first. Steve was just confused Bucky wasn’t questioning why Steve was in his bed with him.   
Bucky pulled away from Steve and grinned at him. “Water?” he croaked. Steve nodded immediately and got up, returning with a glass of water. “How long was I out?” Bucky asked, sitting up in bed slowly. “About seven weeks. Long enough for you to get your cast off,” Steve replied, sitting down in the chair he had pulled up. Bucky nodded slowly.   
“Do you want me to tell everyone you’re-” before Steve could finish Bucky waved a hand at him. “No no, tomorrow. I’m tired.” Steve nodded and got up.   
“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He said, more of a question than a statement. Bucky nodded and smiled. Truthfully, Bucky wanted to jump up, hug Steve from behind and say “I love you too, y’know,” but he was too shy at that moment. Until he gained the confidence, he’d just have to hope Steve caught on. He was surprised at himself for not just doing it, he usually had the confidence for this sort of thing, in fact he always had the confidence. He supposed it was just something about Steve, his smile, he wasn’t sure but it made him nervous and discovering he felt the same just enhanced it.   
The next morning, Bucky woke up with the sun shining through his window onto his face. It felt so good to be alive again. He tried his legs, putting small amounts of weight on them. They honestly felt fine, just like they were asleep for a bit. Soon he was walking fine around his room. He walked to his dresser and dressed himself in comfortable clothes, then, he walked over to his window and opened it wide, breathing in the fresh air greedily until his door opened and there was a squeak. He turned and smiled at Peter who was beet red and had his hands over his mouth.   
“You’re awake!” He squealed and bounded towards him and hugged him like life itself. Bucky laughed and squeezed him back. Peter looked up at him. “I-I was worried you’d never wake up. It’s all my fault I’m so sorry!” he sniffed. Bucky pet Peter’s hair soothingly.   
“I know. I heard you. It isn’t your fault, Peter,” Bucky reasoned. Peter, knowing Bucky, didn’t argue and smiled at him again. “I’m glad you're awake. Does Steve know?”   
“Yeah, he was there when I woke up.” Peter nodded.   
“We should go tell everyone else!” Peter exclaimed. Bucky chuckled and nodded, following an excited Peter out of the room.   
Everyone was happy and relieved to see Bucky. Strange wanted to do a quick checkup just to make sure everything was stable but after that, he should be as good as new. Bucky took notice that everyone seemed to be avoiding Steve. Not only touching him but keeping a three foot radius away from him, and honestly he looked sad. Bucky smiled a lopsided smile at him during a group conversation and he walked up right beside him and slung his arm on his shoulders. At first, he was timid and tense, but soon he relaxed and even leaned into Bucky subconsciously.   
A few people exchanged confused glances, but nothing was said. The next morning, Peter and Tony walked into the living room to find Bucky reading a book comfortably on the couch with Steve sleeping on his lap. “Wha-”  
“Shhh! You’ll wake him up!” Bucky shushed Tony.   
Despite all of the physical contact over the last few days, Bucky still hadn’t said a word about what Steve said and Steve wasn’t catching one, in fact, he just got more and more lovesick. Everyone else was catching on though, and quick. Especially Peter, who spent the most time with the two boys.   
One day, about a week past when Bucky woke up, he could hardly take it any longer. He debated just getting it over with and kissing him, but he would always bail out at the last second, then, one day, they got into an argument.   
Tony would often make jokes at Bucky’s expense, Bucky guessed he was still sore when it came to Bucky and so he never fought Tony, he just rolled over and took it. Frankly, he had yet to forgive himself for the terrible things he did. He figured Tony’s ‘jokes’ were the least amount of punishment he should have been getting. Steve had caught onto this and started defending Bucky.   
“You don’t need to defend me Steve, I can fight my own fights,” Bucky had said one day.   
“That’s the thing,” Steve said, biting back a growl. “You don’t fight your own fights, you just roll over and take it! If I don’t defend you, who will?” Bucky was silent.   
“You don’t think you deserve what he is throwing at you, do you?” Bucky stayed silent and looked away from Steve. “Bucky, listen to me, it wasn’t you.”  
“Does it matter?” Bucky snapped. “All of those people are dead! They would be alive if it weren’t for me so it might as well have been me.” Steve recoiled as if he had been hit.   
“Bucky-”  
“No, you don’t understand. It’s hardly anything for Tony to taunt me. I deserve it,” Bucky continued. “Buck…”  
“And I know that those goddamn words are out of my head,” Bucky said, oblivious to Steve sitting down next to him and gently pulling his face towards his. “But that doesn’t change the nightmares I get, I killed so many people and- mmmph!” Bucky had not expected Steve to make the first move at all and now, his soft lips were pressed up against his.   
Steve pushed against Bucky, forcing him onto his back and breaking apart his lips, only pausing to catch their breaths. “I uh… I heard when you…” Bucky stuttered. Steve cocked an eyebrow and a smile grew across his face. “No! Really?” He said sarcastically. Bucky laughed.  
“Quit being a punk.” Steve grinned at the cheesiness of it all and replied quietly;  
“Jerk,” just before connecting their mouths once again. Suddenly, startling both men, F.R.I.D.A.Y announced: “Mr. Rogers, a message from Mr. Stark.”  
“Yep,” he replied.   
“‘Quit making out in a public space and get a room.’” F.R.I.D.A.Y said. Steve frowned and looked over at the security camera in the corner of the room, bouncing up and down like it was waving. “Stark, I will end you,” Steve said seriously. The camera stopped waving. Steve and Bucky moved to Steve’s room anyways. They both sat on the bed a bit awkwardly.   
“So…” Bucky started.   
“So how long have you-”  
“Since I was 16…” Bucky said shyly, biting his lip and looking down. Steve smirked at Bucky, he was never this shy. “Why are you being so… timid? You’re usually all confident,” Steve teased. Bucky glared playfully at Steve. “So you say 16… but what about all those women?” Steve pressed, eating up Bucky’s shyness and embarrassment, his face slowly turning tomato red. “Well, you know how it was back then… and a man has needs!” Bucky joked. Steve laughed and fell back onto the bed. Bucky fell back beside him.   
“Have you ever… you know, with a guy?” Bucky asked, turning onto his side to face Steve. Steve sat up abruptly. “You have?!” Bucky grinned, biting his lip and blushing.   
Steve’s eyes lingered on Bucky’s lips. He swiped his tongue across his own. “You gotta stop biting your lip…” he insisted. Bucky laughed and turned onto his back again. He felt so happy, so giddy. Steve laid down beside Bucky and started to rub his belly.   
“You have to forgive yourself Bucky,” Steve said quietly, causing Bucky to immediately tense. “If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me?”   
Bucky sighed a deep, heavy sigh. “Okay,” he said quietly, turning to make eye contact with Steve. “Promise?” Steve asked. Bucky smiled and rolled on top of Steve so that he straddled him. “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short fic, it's kinda my specialty, but I'm debating making a sequel so stay tuned! :)
> 
> Also thank you so much to everyone who has left kudos, I really appreciate it.


End file.
